My Father My Identity

Dreaming

I remember when I was at a standstill in my life, my daughter was only 5-6 months old, and I felt as though besides her I didn’t have much. I looked at myself and my life and thought “there has to be more to life than this.” I was beginning to question so many aspects of my situation and wondered when would things get better. Each day was redundant and I felt I was beginning to loose sight of what I wanted, but what did I want? What was my purpose here on this earth, because everyone has one, right? After the birth of my Daughter I prayed constantly for God to show me the direction I would go, I was always feeling unsure because it seemed as though everyone around me was moving forward and I wasn’t. I remember vividly having this one dream in 2012 that was symbolic that I will never forget. Not just the dream itself but that My Father was there to interpret this dream that had taunted me for months on end.

It wasn’t until around New Years of the next year that I mustard up the courage to bring up this dream in a conversation with both of my Parents. My Parents are both Godly, spiritual forces and I hold their words and advice firmly. I was compelled to bring up the dream for some reason, I don’t know why that is but I’m glad I did. At this point I wasn’t looking for interpretation of the dream because by now I had given up on trying to figure it out. There were 4 parts to the dream each of them being some form of interference taking place within me. I remember one part I was standing in a desert as a large bull with horns as sharp as a razor charging towards me. I couldn’t run fast enough so I just held up my hands trying to protect my body from being punctured and wounded. As the bull reached me it sliced my hands over and over again non-stop. Even as I moved my hands to protect other places of my body it only targeted my hands. As I described this part of my dream my Dad immediately stated, “This shows that the attack is on your hands, your hands represent your work.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, it was almost like God was speaking through my Father, and I really believe he was.

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My Identity

My Father has always affirmed us, he has been very nurturing and spoke words of  wisdom and encouragement over us growing up. My Daddy gave me my identity. Just as God our Father does we should all have our Earthly Father do the same. By that I mean, he was that unwavering presence leading us by example.  My Dad taught me the tools to navigate life, reprimanded when it was necessary, then gave me the confidence to get back up and tackle situations full force. No matter how many times I may mess up he tells me “it’s OK we’re going to get through this.” WE, as in he will be right there sticking by my side. Knowing that allows me to be confident in who I am, why I am here, and how far I can go in life. Many adults struggle with their identity, possibly because they didn’t have that fatherly love and authoritative voice behind them confirming them as they walk through life. Lacking a Father in life makes my heart ache because I can’t imagine life without mine. “The truth is that the actions of our lives and how we feel about life and others flow from our perceptions of who we are. This, as we shall see, is why the father figure is crucial in our lives.” The dream I had years ago left me feeling uneasy and confused. I didn’t know what it meant or if it had meaning, but the day my Father gave it meaning reassured me and I was able to release many of my fears. He identified with me, affirmed me, and rebuilt my confidence with just a few words.

Daddy’s Girl

Daddy, thank you for interpreting that dream years ago. Your words that day catapulted me into understanding my purpose. I couldn’t see it but you did. You saw that I had work to do and told me to not let anything or anyone stop that! You always saw far greater things for me than I did for myself, and now as a Mom I see that is what you should see for your child. No matter how old I get I will always be a “Daddy’s girl,” rooted and grounded in all that you poured into my life growing up. You covered and protected me and have given me the most out of life, love.  Your role as “Pa-Pa” to Chan is so special to watch! To witness her love for you reminds me how I’ve always felt about you as a little girl. She adores you and looks to you for that affirmation and affection. I’m thankful that she’s had you to fill in the gaps since her birth and loving her the way she deserves, not halfheartedly but whole-heartedly and then some. All through school my peers admired you as my Dad wishing their Dad was there and half as involved as you were with us, I didn’t understand it because it was my norm. Knowing that it isn’t the norm in today’s society, is much to be thankful for that I experienced a Father’s true love. I’ve never had to look for it elsewhere.

 

 

Every Day is Father’s Day

Father’s Day we recognize Dads and appreciate them for raising us, loving us, molding us, believing in us, and the list goes on. My Dad has done just that and so much more. Countless times he’s been there for me at my lowest and the first to commend me at my highest. He is my balance and my safe place where I know I’m always welcomed without question. Happy Fathers Day, Daddy! For the sacrifices you’ve made for your family and the love that you’ve given and shown us you deserve to be celebrated not just today, but everyday. Everyday you’re a Father that we love and adore! Happy Father’s Day, Daddy! I can’t thank you enough, and words just doesn’t do it justice! Fatherhood is also, Magical!

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Not a Sperm Donor a Heart Donor

Donor (noun)

A donor is defined as someone who gives or donates something. Synonyms for a donor include but are not limited to; giver, contributor, benefactor, supporter, backer, etc. As a father, there are some exceptional ones and unfortunately, there are those who would be described as a man that donated his sperm as a means of procreation. They may also provide monetary donations as a substitute for being present in their offspring’s life. A heart donor has given a major organ, like their heart after his or her death to someone else so that the recipient can live and increase their quality of life. Donor’s acts are selfless and they have considered someone else before themselves. Donation’s are given as acts of love and kindness and are completely voluntary. Many donors aren’t recognized or praised for these acts and aren’t looking for anything in return, they find their rewards in the idea that they give what their heart desires.

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He drove 5 hrs to attend Career Day to tell about his profession as a Scientist, and did an experiment with Chandler’s class.

Heart Throb

He makes my heart throb with love, witnessing him take on the responsibility of a child that he didn’t make. Not only was he willing, he did. He never hesitated, he never questioned it, he loved and donated his most protected organ, his heart. Not only is he there, but he’s also present. You see there’s a difference in being “around” and actually being present and active. This man parents, provides sound and well thought-out advice, shows interest and support, and never misses important moments or events. This is a FATHER, a DADDY and someone who loves unconditionally even though his child doesn’t share his DNA. Sometimes genetics isn’t the only determining factor in your position in someones life, love is. He has donated his heart to the most precious recipient, as a result he’s added and enriched her life as well as mine. 

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Chandler’s first boat ride.

Revived (verb)

To be revived is to restore to life or consciousness. To be given new energy or strength to. Synonyms to revive include but not limited to; reinvigorate, restore, energize, strengthen, fortify, rejuvenate, regenerate, renew, enliven, etc. A successful donor transplant revives its recipient, increases their quality of life, and provides them a renewed hope. Metaphorically this rejuvenation has occurred in me due to a generous and courageous donor who wasn’t afraid to give 100% of himself to someone who was not ready to give even 10% of herself.  This donation of his heart has revived the idea of love and union. The idea of a family unit has been renewed after it was torn apart so carelessly. He decided to rebuild with a mother and a young child, and he has provided the strength needed when weakness was present, and uncertainty was prevalent. The donation of his love allowed us to regain control and stability over our lives and fulfill the desire to rebuild again, together. Who knew that there could be an emotional transplant that could take place between two individuals, revitalizing and refreshing elements in you that you never knew existed.

I feel alive and present in love, in motherhood, and in emotional bliss that isn’t perfect but grounded in the basis of commitment and sacrifice that I believe is strong enough to surpass the test of time. The bond that has been slowly built over the last several years isn’t solidified with a marriage license…yet. Nor is it based upon how many likes given on social media. The bond was built brick-by-brick and it is solid! Revived, renewed, and rejuvenated every time he reassures me of his love, not by just his words but more importantly by his actions.

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Caught him doing her hair.

Fatherhood; The Revival

A great awakening has occurred within him as he has fallen in love with a little girl that he considers his own. A pure love that only a father and daughter can share. Although this relationship did not start at birth, it probably wouldn’t have made them any closer. On Father’s Day, of course, I recognize my own father who has and still is my heart, my love, and my hero! Ironically I am with a man that shares so many of the amazing attributes that make my daddy the wonderful man that he is. Their sacrificial personalities and willingness to risk anything for their families. Their abilities to succeed and the drive and tenacity of a lion! Both of them never get complacent in their lives, they continue to push forward gaining more knowledge, obtaining a new degree in education, and always desiring to pick up another skill. Both hard working men! I’ve been beyond blessed to have my dad every day of my life. Even as an adult, my dad is always one phone call away, one short phone call because he doesn’t like to waste time on the phone lol. But I know that when I call him he never lets me down. Not only is he there for his 3 children, he’s also always there for his grandbaby who loves and adores him as she should. As my daughter was a baby I often felt guilty that I let her down by choosing the type of man I decided to marry and reproduce with, sure I didn’t expect things to turn into what they did, but I should have had better judgment, discernment, or better yet just listened to my parents. Either way, I have her, and she’s been the greatest blessing of all! Hindsight is 20/20, isn’t it? Well, the second time around I know what I want and what I don’t. I’m convinced that I’ve found that and so much more. I wasn’t particularly looking for a father to assist me in raising my daughter because I didn’t think I needed it, but I did. The strength, encouragement, stability he provides is unmatched and the unconditional love he gives and shows me is what lifts my spirit on even my worst days.

My Daddy and I.

 

It takes so much to be a true father, and even more to be a father to a child that isn’t your biological child. Another thing my father can relate to. He has 3 children, but only two that share his genetics, but you wouldn’t know it! We have all been treated and loved the same throughout our lives. Mother’s are natural nurturers and are likely wired to care and love for children and others. Men are a bit different. Better yet A LOT different! (lol) They aren’t wired the same, it takes more out of them to nurture another person, it doesn’t come as naturally as it does for a Mom. When they enter fatherhood emotionally something inside of them softens, and they are enthralled with becoming a parent, much like mothers are. But a step-parent is magical because they choose to take on such an important role that they don’t have to. Willing to sacrifice for someone that they don’t have to, and accepting a child along with the mother when many times Mom isn’t so easy to handle either.

So on this day, I want to say THANK YOU! Thank you for not only accepting me but loving my daughter too. You didn’t have to but I admired you even more for wanting to. You didn’t know how to be a parent because you don’t have children of your own but somehow you’ve been the perfect one. Father’s Day is about acknowledging men like you who give their all to this challenging journey that is so hard, yet so beautiful all at the same time. I’m amazed by you everyday juggling all that you have on your plate and still managing to put us first. Donating your heart has opened mine and for that I am thankful, l love you and Happy Father’s Day!

Forever grateful,

Love,

Your Shawty

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Our family